A Balancing Act

Leading on from last week’s blog - first in this series looking at how to get buy-in - once you have tapped in to your natural toolbox and are comfortable and confident in yourself, it’s time to begin exploring the potential for influencing clients and others.

When it comes to clients, one must remember the importance of the relationship between the heart and head. In simple terms, finding the right balance between the physicality of communication and intellectual content, so that our poise and flexibility will enable a fruitful conversation to evolve.

Sadly, it has become all too common for people to think that by investing in some NLP training to learn a few body language tricks they will give off the right signals and that clients will fall under their spell and do exactly as they suggest.

Not so. Where is the intellect behind this? Clients are not alien beings that can be tricked in to submission. They are people like you and me who respond to thoughtful stimulating conversation. As we discussed in our last blog, body language is important - but by this I mean learning how to use your natural physicality to help get your point across sincerely, not relying on a few mannerisms designed by a body language expert to win people over.

Walking the Tight Rope
To influence and earn the respect of your clients you must get the right balance between head and heart or else they will not buy-in to you or what you’re saying. Someone who is highly intellectual with a valid point to make often struggles to influence others or hold the authority they deserve. Equally someone who is an adept communicator may lack substance if they have misunderstood the client’s business and priorities and cannot converse appropriately. If you are not poised for the meeting or seem off balance in some way, clients will pick it up instantly.

Take a high-wire tight rope performer at the circus, for example. The acrobat is poised for performance, 60 feet up, high above the audience, about to walk the tight rope. In his hand he carries his pole - imagine the weight of each end, one end representing the heart, the other the head. As he calmly begins to walk the tight rope balancing the pole, the audience is excited but not afraid sensing control. If the acrobat’s balance is upset and he wobbles, frantically using his professional pole to try and steady himself, the audience senses the fear, responding with gasps of concern. The skilled artist can pretend to wobble but the audience can sense the difference between play and real danger instinctively. We all do the same thing in meetings or presentations. We can sense when it isn’t going well even though we may not know why.

Intelligent Interaction
Another term which often crops up when it comes to influencing clients is ‘active listening’. This phrase is often misconstrued and taken to mean that making physical responses - to show you are listening (nodding dog syndrome springs to mind) and expressing your interest by asking random questions - will engage clients.

This approach doesn’t show any real intellect or convince clients as to the value of why they are working with you. Skilled active listening involves listening sincerely to the information that you’re being given and being able to engage genuinely in conversation. The ability to do this of course rests upon having the knowledge and understanding in place to do so. All too often people misjudge the situation because they haven’t understood where the person is coming from and what factors are at play behind the scenes.

Seeing the world through another person’s lens may be vastly different; their point of view isn’t just shaped by their personal interest but by the values they hold and the impact their decisions will have on the myriad of stakeholders they have to consider.

Few people have the luxury of making a decision based purely on their own convictions. A client that continuously rejects your ideas may not be doing so because they don’t see the value of the IT project or marketing idea you’re suggesting. They may be working with a board that is prioritising spend on overseas expansion that year or working with a boss who only likes to work with certain suppliers of his own choosing.

Not only will intelligent questioning reflect that you understand the business and the diversity of parties and interests any decision will impact upon, it will also encourage your client to share with you more of the organisation’s plans and activities. This in turn may provide an opportunity for you to suggest other ways in which you might be able to provide services which can help.

Keeping it Simple
One last but important point to make here is that communication doesn’t have to be complicated to be effective. There are so many popular courses around, the art of communication is often over complicated by the numerous hints, tips and tricks on how to manipulate what others will think or feel.

You can lose sight of the purpose of the interaction. Sometimes a simple question to get a straightforward answer is all that is required. If you feel your client doesn’t have the budget to commit to your project, ask what areas are being focussed on that year and you will have your answer without need for a long drawn out conversation skirting around the issue.

This brings me to an example from my (long gone!) teacher training days, which perfectly illustrates this point.

Having been warned at a recent parents evening that her child was at that awkward age where questions about the birds and the bees where inevitable, a young mother’s heart sinks when her little boy comes home from school and asks ‘Mummy where do I come from?’.

Prepared and well-rehearsed for this moment, the mother replies with a full and frank explanation about sex and reproduction. The boy reflects for a moment, looking somewhat perplexed.

‘Oh right’ he replies, before adding ‘Because Johnny in my class comes from Birmingham’.

Jo Ouston
January 2012